Kid's Clothing and Toys

What is all this saving? Really, deferred decisions.

Sometimes I find it helpful when trying to decide whether or not to get rid of something to make the decision quickly. And, that took lots and lots of practice! I was a terribly slow decision maker about almost everything. I am better now, but still struggle sometimes.

One of the hardest things for me to get rid of is kids' clothing and toys.

I am very attached to them. My kids wore them and played with them. They are - in my mind - almost an extension of the child.

But, in reality they are not the child, the child is the child!

Still, it can be hard to push past this thinking.

Part of it is realizing you may not have more kids and that part of your life is over.

Part of it is simply thinking that the items are cute and have 'feelings'.

The main thing is acceptance...accepting the fact that these things are taking up space in your life and that -- except for a very few special items -- most can be passed along.

So in the beginning I saved pretty much everything that my kids ever wore or played with. I simply could not bear to part with any of it.

At some point, as I was doing a lot of self reflection and deciding that it was time I needed to make a change in my hoarding/aquiring behavior....and it became overwhelming....I started to let some of the things I knew that I would not use again go.

I started with the easiest stuff first....but if there were things that I simply could not bear to part with, I set them aside. I think it is ok to defer the decision until later. The key is that you have to go back and make the decision! It can't get lost under the piles and it really does have to be addressed. But, if it is causing too much stress at the moment, I think it is ok to move along to the next thing. But, move, and don't get stuck there, too!

So, as I was making more and more progress towards changing my own behavior, and letting other things go out of my lfe...I was still not addressing these kid things. But, when I could muster up the courage, I would go through these things again and again and let a little go each time. Maybe it was only one or two outfits, but it was something

I began to realize that time sometimes is the best ally. It puts some emotional distance between you and the object.

But, I found that as I went through the boxes, it became easier and easier to let things go. I became more practiced at it. Each time was easier -- I didn't suffer anxiety.

At some point, I had boiled it down to 2 large plastic "buckets" full of clothing for each of my children. That is two large buckets each. I made the decision that this was too much. (I also have several small buckets, too, with special items such as baptism gowns, etc....that is even on top of these plastic buckets!!!!)

So, I started looking really hard at this clothing, and my thought process went something like this:

-- this is just one thing that I am going to pass along to them, there will be many others...such as artwork and other momentos, do they really, really need all of these things???

-- couldn't someone else be using this right now -- right now -- there might be a child who really needs these clothes and can benefit from them, where they are just sitting here in my basement doing nothing. They aren't helping anyone.

-- then, there is the whole 'elastic issue', where the elastic is going to go bad in 30 years. Can you fix it? Sure, but is it worth it for anything but the most very sentimental of items? I decided no.

-- plus, I have pictures of the kids in many of the outfits. If I have a picture, then it is probably ok to let it go -- I decided that.

I made these rules:

--if it has elastic and it is not very special -- go
--if I have a picture of them in it and it is not very special -- go
--if I can't remember them wearing it -- go
--if I have another similar item like it that I like better -- go
--if time has removed some of the emotional attachment -- go
--and, finally, f I need room for more recent items then I have to make some hard decisions

And, about being 'very special'. I also decided that everything cannot be very special. Otherwise, it becomes not special. In other words, not everything carries the same 'weight'. To me, a very special dress might be a first Holiday dress. But, I can't save all the dresses. Besides, most of the little panties have that darned elastic!!

And, I stuck to them -- the rules.

And, I opened the buckets again and again.

And each time more and more went out of the box and into the donation bag.

I am now down to a partial box for each child. OK, I still have the small boxes, but I am getting there!

My point is: don't feel bad if you can't make a decision about a really hard thing right now. But, make the decision sometime! It is ok if you can't bear to part with something, but the key is that you do have to set it aside and go back and actually make the decision.

Ask yourself:

-- do I really love it
-- is it going to be good in 30 years
-- will my child want it, really?
-- can someone else who is less fortunate use it now, right now....a child who needs clothing, wouldn't it be great if they could wear it right now?

Then, find the courage to pass it along. You will be so glad that you did!!