Things I Had to Unlearn Before I Could Let go of My Clutter

Things I Had to Unlearn Before I Could Let go of My Clutter
http://www.joyfuljubilantlearning.com/joyful_jubilant_learning/2007/08/things-i-had-to.html

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This is an excellent article!! Thank you so much for linking to it here. I have read it several times. Very inspiring!!

Article's main points are quoted in RED, with my comments in BLUE.

UNLEARNING - My need to take responsibility for the ultimate fate of the things I own – as if they were people and had feelings.

I agree with everything stated here. Much of these feelings are about guilt and control. Guilt because at some point we had the idea drummed into our head that we were bad people if we tossed something out or did not treat things with the ultimate respect. Control because -- for whatever reason -- we feel we need to control our environment, either becuase of some other traumatic event or to manage anxiety. We are not bad people if we get rid of something! We don't have t find the perfect home! And, greater control can be gained by being in control of yourself and your own habits, rather than all of the things that surround you!

In my opinion, the most important point is this: (quoted from article)

But there are things you can’t donate, so I had to make peace with the fact that sometimes I have to throw away things that still “work” simply because no one wants them and I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE for the fate of all things. Things do not have feelings and ultimately, everything has to return to the dust it came from.

Give yourself permission to throw your things away or donate them!!

UNLEARNING - My fear that if I got rid of things I would never be able to replace them.

The solution for me was to question the fear itself. I had to ask “So What?” People and my time can't be replaced either! So what if an item can’t be replaced? Does that mean I won’t be able to go on living? .... It’s amazing how we as human beings can adapt to whatever life throws our way.

Nothing is irreplacable except a human life!! Or, perhaps a cherished pet. Even though some things truely are irreplacable in the sense that if they were gone you could not replicate them exactly -- such as family heirlooms or old photographs, etc. -- ask yourself "what is the worst thing that can happen if i didn't have these things? will my life go on? The answer, of course, is yes.

UNLEARNING - My feeling that things I owned were a part of me and if I let them go I was letting go of all the hopes, dreams and feelings I had when I was still using those things.

This is very big, because many times the hoarder or collector is all about the possibilities. I had really good intentions. (the road to hell is paved...) And, I had great ambition. Perhaps too much ambition, and not enough realism about what I could reasonably accomplish. As I piled up the projects and things to do "someday", I felt more and more a failure that they were not done. Of course, the logical, rational thing might have been to take a look at all of the projects aquired to date and decide which were most important / enjoyable and let the rest go. But, for some reason, I was unable to do that. Instead, I looked for the next big project or quick fix. I would think to myself "if I do this, then this will happen (or be fixed) or (insert desired outcome here)". Then, another project would be added to the stack and I could not start on it. I still struggle sometimes, but I realize now that I am a human being with limitations, I am not perfect. My life will be ok if I cannot make homemade soap or do all of the crossstitch projects, or scrapbook every picture I own. I could probably write a book on this one topic alone, but the key is to retrain yourself -- like the author says -- to think differently and develop different habits. For example, if you are a crafter, walk into a craft store, look around a bit, and don't buy anything! It takes time and practice, but you can do it!!

You are not your things!! Your things do not define who you are! They cannot fix all of your problems! They are not your dreams! Decide what is most important to you and pursue it, but realize that you may have to let some other things go to focus on your dream.

Give yourself permission to not remember everything, either! It's ok to not remember everything!! Sometimes it is even good to not remember some things...

More things I had to unlearn:

To unlearn perfectionism...it's ok to not be perfect. Give youself permission!

To unlearn some of what my parents taught me and learn to be my own person.

To unlearn indecisiveness...to learn how to make decsions without agonizing over them, or wringing my hands over them later.

To unlearn how to be anxious all the time.... to live and laugh and have fun again. Hoarding was not always part of who I am. It was a time in my life and a response to a tramatic event(s). The seeds were sown in childhood, though, in the way I was raised and the way I was taught to value things over relationships.

To unlearn that we have an infinite time on this earth.....to realize that you are not going to live forever. There may not be a "someday". The day is now. Take action now -- before it is too late to repair relationships, raise children, make your mark on the world, to clean out your home.

To unlearn that "more is better"....to realize that there is more value in having fewer posessions and enjoying those posessions more than in having a greater number of possessions and enjoying them less.

To unlearn compulsive behavior and retrain myself to not be rewarded for that.

To unlearn avoidance....to learn that dealing with things in a timely way is better than avoiding them, to push past the unpleasantness and anxiety and "eat that frog". (See book of same name).